Smokers of the Manassas pack

Welcome to Patricide

learning to code on the clock..,, , ,.. ..

TEST

maybe i will write poems.

in high school i wrote a poem about sex. when i handed it back, i got 23 critiques and 23 analysis' of the poem i had written. it was all original except i stole a line from a CSH song. I'm embarrassed to think of the poem now. I was surprised on the day i presented it. almost everyone, once i finished my reading, held their hands up to ask me a question. none of them attacking or shaming me. just wanting to know more. i'm at work now and i feel silly recalling it. i think the reason i feel embarassed is because of my teacher. old ass dude reading my poem i had written about sex. but i submitted that one out of all the ones i wrote, because it was the one i was most proud of. i'll put it here.

Lying beside you
Among this bruised cervix
And bed of glass
You have found a place for my skin to reside
Right underneath your fingernails

As I listen to your breathing even out
I wish to feel the way you do
to stop recoiling in jealousy
knowing you do not feel this pain
less physical
than it is abstract.

This tamper seal, permanently damaged
asks not for forgiveness
but for renewal.
(You cannot give it to me.)

In the middle of this hurt I meet you
and I will keep meeting you
because I want you to be happy,
even if it costs a little blood.
Because had you known there was a fire,
you would have put it out.

bruised cervix, bed of glass. i like the way it sounds together. even now! (i still like the first stanza at least) lyrics can be adapted from this.

i came to realization only recently: not all lyrics are even poetic or memorable. i forget probably 90% of all the ones i hear. even mitski.... the music often comes first. hard hitting lines aren't always present. I was stuck with the misconception because it's the hard hitting lines i remember, and its like the music, or anything else fades into the background.

.

i think this is an open letter now. Angel: even though i'm not happy with my poem now, it's hard to decide if it's out of: hey. this shit is garbage. or: if i am too self critical of myself. self conscious too. it's ok to be self critical. i am. but if i inhibit myself, no real progress is made. [I truly wish that when I was writing the poem...I had constructive criticisms made on it.] I believe no I KNOW i expose myself this way simply because it would likely make you more comfortable to show yourself. to show your own writing. "I have lyrics but I do not like them." me too,,, but i am only opening myself to inhibition and shyness. i am letting myself be no less hard hearted than a man. and i hate man.

/

i wished to hear jeankarlo sing. i don't sing. but i began singing in the car around him because i know he would eventually follow my lead. the embarassment would fade away. i was correct.

anyways placeholder patricide "logo""" and gerald mateo pic. i think i'll have a scanned image of our first album on cd instead. or scanned images of our equipment. a sort of "stage" (by stage i mean nova open theater) setup. with guitars on floor and pedals and amps and all. let me know if yall have any other ideas.